Criminals are a superstitious and cowardly lot that inhabit the land of Space Funeral, and congregate in Malice. They’re well-built humans with a strong jawline and stubby hair. Criminals smoke cigarettes which spell out the word "CRIME." They are often battled with Bombdogs.
- "BOMB DOG 2 misfired! CRIMINAL was hurt! BOMB DOG 1 was hurt! PHILLIP was okay with it!" [Remove 40HP from Criminal and Bomb Dog 1, Bomb Dog 2 Dies]
- "PHILLIP suddenly became MUSCLED! CRIMINAL lifts his sleeve to reveal an anchor tattoo! BOMBDOG 1 barks! BOMBDOG 2 barks!" (Inflicts Muscled on Phillip]
- "CRIMINAL stole 15 RUBLES from PHILLIP! PHILLIP is shocked! BOMBDOG 1 chases its tail! BOMBDOG 2 barks repeatedly!"
- "BOMB DOG 1 explodes! BOMB DOG 2 explodes!" [Removes 100HP from Phillip and Criminal, Bomb Dog 1 and 2 Die]
- PHILLIP sings a pleasant tune! Party regains 45 HP! [Entire Party Recovers 45HP]
- "BOMB DOG misfired! CRIMINAL 1 was hurt! CRIMINAL 2 was hurt! PHILLIP was okay with it!" [Remove 40HP from Criminal 1 and 2, Bomb Dog Dies]
- "PHILLIP suddenly became MUSCLED! CRIMINAL 1 rolls some dice! CRIMINAL 2 puffs cigar! BOMBDOG is a bomb!"
- "CRIMINAL stole 15 RUBLES from PHILLIP! PHILLIP is shocked! CRIMINAL 2 puts the money in his pocket and looks defiant! BOMBDOG 1 chases its tail! BOMBDOG barks!"
- "CRIMINAL 2 runs away! CRIMINAL 1 scowls! BOMBDOG chases its tail! PHILLIP is nonplussed!" [Criminal 2 Flees]
- "CRIMINAL 1 dismissively tosses you a RUBLE and tells you to keep the change kid! CRIMINAL 2 laughs unpleasantly! BOMBDOG makes a woof sound that might be a dog laugh! PHILLIP gets the BLOOD RAGE!" [Inflicts Blood Rage on Phillip]
- When encountering a Criminal, they will run up to you, an homage to trainers in Pokemon games. This is further reinforced by the fact that the music that plays when this occurs is the Male Trainer Encounter theme from Pokemon Red and Blue.